Future..

People doesn't see you when you are in the bottom..

Your hard works, your determination..

All those will only be seen.. 

When you are on the peak.

When will I ever see the peak?

Misery

I have my own way of hide my misery.

I turn curious, I try to get into a group of people through curiosity,

because I know,

If I doesn't do so, I will remain lonely.

18 July

18th July

is a day that I won't forget, 

forever and ever.

It stalks my heart,

no matter how old I grow,

the scar will still remain there..

GERAMJI

'GERAMJI' is a word that I learned during the CB class in Geo Kosmo.

It means, the frustration that you are having when you are forced to do something you don't like or not willing to do.

I had this feeling during the meeting this afternoon.

Although we were taught to change our thinking, from 'being forced' to 'I chose to do this',

I still can't accept the fact that they put me in the design group.

I was being put into the board-designing group and backdrop-designing group in the past few years..

And, me myself, and I bet the others too, knew that I am not good at it.

I was simply put there because there isn't any room for me in the other groups,

or they think, 'minor people should do minor work'. Perhaps?

I simply hate arts. I hate drawing, I hate designing. Thats just not my field.

If I am given a chance to choose, I prefer to do paperworks, at least I will be able to do something rather than having GERAMJI and not showing any good results.

Moody II

I think a lot when I am moody..

My relationship with my siblings,

are considered great, if compared to the others..

We joked around, chat around..

However..

Sometimes I realised, there's JEALOUSY existing.. 

Maybe only from me..

My brother..

When relatives are talking about my brother..

They'll say, 'He's a intelligent boy!'

When it comes to me..

'He's gentle..'

Why? 

Am I not good enough? 

I perform better than him in examinations..

I deserved these?

When we were little..

My parents sent him to learn piano..

Me?

I don't get a thing..

Both of them..

When there's houseworks to be done..

'Ian!!'

Is the first name heard in my house..

Everything..

'Ian!!'

'Ian, come help me with the laundry!'

'Ian, don't sit in front of the computer!'

'Ian, help grandma preparing the dinner!'

'Ian, go out with me to buy something!'

'Ian, get me my spectacles!'

'Ian, help me with my computer!'

'Ian, whats the meaning of this word?'

'Ian, why ain't your brother coming back this week?'

'Ian, where did your sister go? When is she coming back?'

'Ian, why don't I see you studying?'

All these.. 

Its not that I am not helpful..

Not that I don't want to give a hand..

But,

Can they ask them, too?

Ya ya, they asked. A few times maybe.

And when I complained about this,

My mum said 'because you are a good boy!'

Oh, let me give you another answer.

'Because I am a weakling, and weaklings are meant to be bullied.' 

Zzz.. Whatever..

Moody

Oh well.. I get moody sometimes..

It strikes out of nowhere..

I always say, moody doesn't mean you can express your moodiness on others..

Though.. I did myself..

Sorry to those,

Whom I did wrong to, being harsh to..

I am sorry..

Kingdom Hearts II - Utada Hikaru

I like this song..

Random

Ever since I was in primary school, 

I was always being called 'sissy'..

Is it true? 

I do not know..

However..

As time passes,

It seems that I grew sensitive to the word.

I was always alert when I heard the word.

'Are they referring to me?' 

was what in my mind.

Am I? 

I've tried to change my gestures,

but did it work?

I guess not..

Because people remember what you were, 

not realising what you are..

________________________________________________

There was lotsa people who helped me before..

I would like to thank those who cares about me..

My parents,

Family,

Friends,

Mates..

And those who helped me in other ways..

Those who fetched me home..

That reminds me of who I am..

Who do not look down at me..

And so many others..

Thank you.

_________________________________________________

Oh well..

I thought about my future..

What'd I become in the future?

Would I have a bright and fantastic future?

Could I have what I want?

'Through the storms and raging seas,

I will never be alone..

Cos' I know You will shine Your light!'